Cadburys Flake Egg
Published: 4th April 2010 | Source: Massey Furguson | Price: £1,000,000 |
Yes I can hear you chortling. How are we going to test an egg that we can't fry and have it with bacon and won't follow our normal testing methodology of trying different feeds and seeing which lays the fastest.
Worry not my corn-chewing dungareed friends, we've a plan.
As you all know Five-Tooth John has some epic ideas when he's standing at mid-on, and this is a blinder. Why not borrow George to bowl and use the egg as a cup. Bound to test the durability and doesn't require extra gear we can ill-afford. Well not without selling the Collie.
Our testing was to draw straws and one of us stood at the crease while George sent a plum-hunter down the wicket. We then timed how long it was from the ball striking the, ahem, stump, before Martin was ready to play.
For obvious reasons we started with the genuine cricket cup as a base line and worked towards nothing at all. Although the graph appears flawed it isn't and we'll add in the result for nothing as soon as he comes round. Three weeks and counting...
Next on the list we wanted to see how long it could hold up under pressure. So we got Liz from the Daffodil and Penicillin pub to thread some string through a couple and tie them up tight. The longer she could hold a pencil within her cleavage the better. Naturally we then tested against some orthodox and less so things to see how it faired.
Finally we fired up some Battlefield Bad Company and gave Dave a couple of scumpies and some grub and saw what he had left after an hour.
Yeah we put anchovies on the pizza which he hates, but so what. He still stuffed that egg down his throat like the 25 stone fat git he is.
Nowt much to add really. We nearly were sick with laughter at Martin lying in agony, got to see Liz's breasts and Dave stuffed himself stupid. All in all a blinder and it beats weighing chickens for a living.
We'll gladly give this 8.5 haybales out of 11.
Cadburys Flake Eggs - The Way It's Meant To Be Laid.
Alf, I've got an idea for a website...